Words that sit in a happy place between Woke and Maga.

Archaisms are antiques with a patina of neutrality.

In an extremely tribal time such as this one, words become shibboleths—little rhetorical landmines. We converse on tiptoe, afraid of vexing the Woke, disowning the Libs, gagging Magas, or triggering gun-cradling apostles of the Prince of Peace.

Among some audiences, especially older folk who struggle to keep up, inclusive language can exclude. The more thoughtful among us wonder whether the + at the end of LGBTQ+ includes Little People (are they still called that?), Pacific Islanders, and the generally underappreciated. Preachy, judgmental types drive the less sensitive to vote for viciously insensitive political candidates—an extreme version of eyerolling.

Of course we all should watch our tongues. Effective persuasion uses language that appeals to a particular audience. To speak Truth to Power—in a way makes the Powerful actually pay attention—we must practice the art of decorum, appearing to fit in with the audience’s idea of virtue.

(That’s why I changed the name of this newsletter, by the way. Judging by the feed, the powerful Substack tribe is all into love. And words. So I switched to “Word Love.” But, ick. So I changed “Love” to the tribal-y “Squad.” Feel free to suggest an alternative.)

It’s not easy to practice decorum, I know. It doesn’t mean acting like a member of Congress and giving up your values altogether. But there’s a reason the Democratic Party now has an even lower rating than the Republican Party. Most Americans see progressives as grownup versions of the kid in this classic SNL skit.

One fun answer for us Word Lovers Squadders: dust off old language and use it in place of jargon, wokeisms, and offensive terms.

Usage experts call these mothballed expressions archaisms. They’re different from common terms whose meanings have flipflopped over time. (Have you seen my post on Five Lost Words?) Archaisms are simply words that are lying in storage, yearning for usage sunlight. Here are a few.

Aplenty: Try this instead of the obnoxiously umlauted über. Bad: That actor is überglamorous. Good: That actor has glamour aplenty!

Befoul: An apolitical substitute for the environmentalist “pollute.” You can even use it to talk climate change without using that Maga-gagging term. All this carbon is befouling our weather!

Bewhiskered: An efficient description of your average hirsute metrosexual. I ordered my machiatto from that bewhiskered gent behind the counter. But it also can denote antiquated, obsolete, archaic, outmoded, or superannuated (which literally means “old”). Bewhiskered is a fake-polite term for a White Old Guy such as this writer. (And, full disclosure, I did not shave this morning.) This prostate drug should appeal to the bewhiskered.

Days of Yore: A gentle way to make fun of terminal nostalgics. Return America to the Days of Yore produces the happy acronym RADY. (Goes down well with ICE.)

Divers: A neutral substitute for “diverse,” divers gets pronounced the same as in scuba divers. Its meaning differs slightly from diverse. Usage expert Bryan Garner notes that divers implies “severalty” while diverse connotes “difference.” Divers says we’re different but in this together, while diverse assumes we’re all just…different.

Eldritch: Now that Tim Walz and his weird have retreated from the media, let’s start using a term that sounds weird. Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter has a character emit an “eldritch scream.” Mentally apply that word to almost every quote you encounter while doomscrolling: eldritch screaming everywhere!

Fantods: I used this heebee-jeebee word in a previous post that I’m especially proud of, not least because one of my favorite writers, Regina Barreca, praised it. (Plus she uses fantods herself!) The word describes what most of us are feeling these days. Use it to empathize with the rest of us.

Take no thought: I’m done with “no worries.” We all have worries aplenty. Besides, take no thought is as unwoke as a reasonable person can get. Go on, take a break from thinking. You deserve it!

Tidings: Since “news” has taken on political baggage and billionaires, try using tidings to convey recent events. It sounds so cozy and Christian-y. Have you read the latest tidings?

Woe: Way better than the Frenchy malaise, and more appropriately apocalyptic than “bad mood” or the pop-psych “air of depression.” We’re all feeling woe. Alas for the days of yore!

A precaution: In his Modern English Usage, Garner warns that anachronisms hint “at the bewhiskered language you must needs avoid.” Besides, plain blunt words work best when you want to make a serious point. (I wrote a post about that.) But at an age when we’re all walking through glossarial minefields, an archaism can provide a peaceful, inoffensive, even witty DMZ.

Take this as a benison.